Rihanna: taking Chris Brown back into her life..

I keep reading people saying things like "She deserves what she gets." and  "If he hits her again I won't feel sorry for her."

She does not deserve it, and I will feel sorry for her.

We cannot make the mistake of blaming the victim. Yes, she knows what he is capable of and yes I personally feel this is a huge mistake she is making. However, that doesn't give him a license to beat her again and we all shrug our shoulders because she should have known better. Chris Brown is still 100% responsible for his own actions.

The mind set of a person who has been abused is not like the mind set of someone who has not. Abusers get inside the mind of their victim over a long period of time. It is not so easily shaken.

As a formerly abused woman I can tell you that even 18 years after leaving him, I still hear him echoing terrible words in my head. His fists are gone from me, but the scars will always remain. After I finally got the strength to leave, he tried to reconcile many times and I always refused. I remembered how it felt to be punched in the eye, drug around the house by my hair, thrown into walls.. and how it felt to have to hide the bullets to his service revolver at night in fear that he would actually pull the trigger some night. I hate him. I love myself more than I could ever love the man who beat me. I had hoped in my heart of hearts that Rihanna would find the same strength to love herself more.

She is giving Chris Brown another chance. She seems to be wide eyed and clear about her risks. "Even if it's a mistake, it's my mistake. He doesn't have the luxury of f***ing up again," she says. "That's just not an option. I can't say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I'm pretty solid in the knowing that he's disgusted by that. And I wouldn't have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility." (From this article.)

I know that reforming is a possibility. With treatment  and a true desire to change, it can be done. However, most abusers do not see where they are wrong to do what they do and therefor continue to make the same violent mistakes. Chris Brown has a very prominent history of violence. He is in the news just this week for a physical altercation with Frank Ocean. He does not see the error of his ways. He is a ticking time bomb. It is only a matter of time before he hurts her again. Possibly, even more than he did before.

When that happens, though, we can't shift the focus off him and onto her. She is making a huge mistake, yes, but that does not give him entitlement to do as he pleases with her body and her mind. She will still be a victim. He will still be an abuser.

50 Shades of Grey, or as I like to call it, 50 Shades of Abuse.

I understand not all writers are Hemingway or Rowling. I get that. I am not blogging to trash the writing style, horrible as it may be. And I know authors are not obligated to be morally upstanding. But there is also a level of blatant irresponsibility as a writer and EL James found that level.

The man, Christian Grey is absolutely 100% not okay. What terrifies me is how many women think he is romantic. There is NOTHING romantic about the way he treats Ana.

The media also plays up this book and I can't help but wonder if this is not neglect on their part. They call it "hot", "racy" and a slew of other adjectives. DO THEY KNOW WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT?!

I am publicly on record as saying Edward Cullen is a bad example of how to treat a woman - I tell you this, he is far better than Christian. I am on record as saying Bella is a horrible excuse for a woman.. Ana makes Bella look strong and smart. Yep, you read it here folks, I now say Bella and Edward are not the worst couple I have read about.

I would like to note that I am not mad about Christian being into BDSM. More power to you, we all have our kinks, right? If he wants to spank his lover, spank away! I won't ever be mad if she is in agreement.. ... But I am mad that he blows up her phone for not calling him when he thought she should. Pushy incessant needy demands is NOT ROMANTIC! I am mad that he keeps showing up EVERYWHERE she is. Stalking is NOT ROMANTIC! I am super duper pissed that he threatens her constantly when she says something he doesn't like. Threatening someone is NOT ROMANTIC!

I suppose the appeal of the book is the sex they have because a lot of people have not been exposed to that world. Okay, cool, you can like the sex parts of the book.. but I swear I do NOT understand how Christian is considered romantic AT ALL!

I promise you if that bastard was the last man on Earth I would be alone (well maybe some lusty Sundays here and there, but after that he has got to GO and never speak to me until the next lusty Sunday 3 months from now.)

I honestly think I wouldn't be so fired up about this if I didn't see people saying how amazing and romantic Christian is. I saw something on Pinterest that read "Men say they wish women came with a manual. Here you go." and it was a picture of 50 Shades. I nearly died. Another read "I keep hoping my boyfriend will find my book and go Christian Grey on me." Which part? The obsessive jealousy when another guy talks to you?  The part where he receives your breakup letter and shows up at your house to screw you into taking him back even though you JUST SAID you were done with him?

I know people come with baggage. I get that. I understand that. And I know that nobody is perfect.. but Christian Grey is just... ...

How about this.. if you think he is romantic read this article in the link I am posting. It will take you less than 3 minutes. Please. Just..read it.

Stay safe,
DJ