Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Rihanna: taking Chris Brown back into her life..
I keep reading people saying things like "She deserves what she gets." and "If he hits her again I won't feel sorry for her."
She does not deserve it, and I will feel sorry for her.
We cannot make the mistake of blaming the victim. Yes, she knows what he is capable of and yes I personally feel this is a huge mistake she is making. However, that doesn't give him a license to beat her again and we all shrug our shoulders because she should have known better. Chris Brown is still 100% responsible for his own actions.
The mind set of a person who has been abused is not like the mind set of someone who has not. Abusers get inside the mind of their victim over a long period of time. It is not so easily shaken.
As a formerly abused woman I can tell you that even 18 years after leaving him, I still hear him echoing terrible words in my head. His fists are gone from me, but the scars will always remain. After I finally got the strength to leave, he tried to reconcile many times and I always refused. I remembered how it felt to be punched in the eye, drug around the house by my hair, thrown into walls.. and how it felt to have to hide the bullets to his service revolver at night in fear that he would actually pull the trigger some night. I hate him. I love myself more than I could ever love the man who beat me. I had hoped in my heart of hearts that Rihanna would find the same strength to love herself more.
She is giving Chris Brown another chance. She seems to be wide eyed and clear about her risks. "Even if it's a mistake, it's my mistake. He doesn't have the luxury of f***ing up again," she says. "That's just not an option. I can't say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I'm pretty solid in the knowing that he's disgusted by that. And I wouldn't have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility." (From this article.)
I know that reforming is a possibility. With treatment and a true desire to change, it can be done. However, most abusers do not see where they are wrong to do what they do and therefor continue to make the same violent mistakes. Chris Brown has a very prominent history of violence. He is in the news just this week for a physical altercation with Frank Ocean. He does not see the error of his ways. He is a ticking time bomb. It is only a matter of time before he hurts her again. Possibly, even more than he did before.
When that happens, though, we can't shift the focus off him and onto her. She is making a huge mistake, yes, but that does not give him entitlement to do as he pleases with her body and her mind. She will still be a victim. He will still be an abuser.